i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
