this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
