Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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