I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
