You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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