you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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