So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
