nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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