Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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