if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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