Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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