it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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