apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
