Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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