Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
