so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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