are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
