She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
