I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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