all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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