I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
