This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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