My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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