Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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