Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
