Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
