I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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