I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Someone shit on the floor
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
