Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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