whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
