On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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