Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
