Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
