also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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