no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
