She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
