I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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