You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
