ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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