My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
