i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
