He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
no, he came in my armpit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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