I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
