Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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