I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
