grandma shit on top of the toilet
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
