I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
