Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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