I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
