We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
