right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
