and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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