Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
